Russians, U.S. to Get Rid of Sponge Girl

The Russian Olympic Committee has called for the removal of Sponge Girl from the Olympic Village in Turin, where Sponge Girl was granted full access due to her dual role as the consultant choreographer for the Russian figure skating team and cheerleader for the Finnish curling team.

The Russian Olympic Committee has fired Sponge Girl, despite her hard work aiding Evgeni Plushenko towards a gold medal, due to eyewitness accounts of the little vixen spending a late night dancing rather close to the American figure skating talent Johnny Weir. The Russians are worried Weir may be trying to influence Sponge Girl into passing on poor advice to Russian skaters - somewhat late, some might say.

Bizzarely, the U.S. Olympic Commitee has also demanded Sponge Girl be asked to leave, fearing she may be influencing Mr Weir - and given his failure to achieve a medal the Americans are concerned the flirtatious starlet may already have wreaked havoc on the country's medal tally.

Mr Weir has taken his coaches' advice and declined to comment on the two countries' demands, though Sponge Girl has appeared unconcerned in interviews and didn't seem to think there was anything to fuss about: "Really, this sort of thing tends to happen to me, I've accepted that people tend to jump to conclusions. The thing is that Tinkerbelle and I have known each other since a drama camp in the mid-nineties and while I wouldn't say we're bosom buddies or anything, it is always nice to get together with people you know at an event like this."

Sponge Girl does not believe she will be expelled from the Olympic Village, either: "Of course it's upsetting that the Russian team don't really want me around anymore, but I've earned my place here and fortunately Markku (Uusipaavalniemi, or U15, captain of the Finnish curling team and vocal supporter of Sponge Girl) doesn't care about these sorts of rumours and understands that my ability to cheer isn't affected by my habit of hanging around guys in leotards."