Sponge Girl's Pocket Reference Book In Production!
In the wake of her most recent celebrity mix-up Sponge Girl has decided to put together a guide identifying the subtle (if sometimes negligible) differences between the representatives of the modern breed of actress slash singer slash socialite.
"Knowing the horrendous fate that can befall anyone who adresses an A-list simpleton incorrectly I feel it is my humanitarian duty to inform people on the matter, to collect a guide of sorts - a Pocket Reference of Tabloid Whores, if you will."
Sponge Girl therefore invites moral upstanding citizens (and for the sake of equality, bohemians) to take part in the quest. Go to the comments trail for further instructions.
"Do it for your country," advises Sponge Girl.
posted by Sponge Girl @ 6:44 pm
11 comments
11 Comments:
Please give any known individual characteristics of a celebrity tart - give the uninitiated some way of telling them all apart.
Then name the socialite you would like the next person to comment on. Note that this obviously means that you must check the last comment to see who you should comment on. Y'all know what I mean.
So, First Guest, whoever you are, your task is to give us the details on the queen of modern skankdom:
Britney Spears
Britney Spears is the one chewing tobacco, but how do I tell her from Angelina Jolie?
Angelina Jolie is the one with the huge mouth and kept a vessel of blood from her former boyfriend around her neck. Lately she started dating Brad the Hunk Pitt.
I get Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears mixed up. Also Hillary Duff and Ashlee Simpson, Christine Aguilera and Gwen Stefani, Tara Reid and all of them. I can't keep track, but then, I live in a cultural void.
Here's a little known fact: Ashlee Simpson and Christina Aguilera are actually the same person, which is why you will never see them together in the same room.
Few people have seen Tara Reid outside of her bedroom, so there's not much information to be had there.
Next: Carrot Top?
Carrot Top is a celebrity tart? Who knew? I'd say his bright, wild, red hair is his stand-out feature. Then, when he opens his mouth, the annoyance factor takes over and I have to find a way of escape. Also, he always looks like he's wearing eye makeup.
Next: Paris Hilton, a.k.a. Carl's Jr. Playmate
Ahh, Paris Hilton, the skankiest of all the A-listers. Voluptuous like a praying mantis, this spraytanned bimbette is widely known for her capability of suck-starting a leaf blower (and it's operator..).
But what about the Olsen twins?
The Olsen Twins... Bohemians love twins but the Olsen Twins are a befuddling pair! Billionaires, they go the designer route of the hobo where the look of the homeless has a price and being hungry is chic... who knew? Trying to be boho, they are hobo instead... bohemian befuddlers indeed!
Could I have an insignificant million p-lease?
No, staying with my current stream of consciousness, I would rather hang with the hunk of yoga, STING...
D-lish indeed!
(Thank you MizB! Sting - *drool*)
Sting, a gifted musician with a raspy voice and sultry eyes, is also gifted in the practice of yoga which in turn gifts him with the endurance for all night love making.
For her honeymoon with Guy, Sting lent his estate to Madonna.
(Sponge Girl - sorry I didn't get over here sooner, great blog!)
Thank you very much for all your help to date, although there seemed to have been a couple surprising omissions.
Doug - I believe you forgot to mention that Britney is closely related to both Cletus and Brandine.
monika - "evil incarnate" I believe is the technical term for her.
ballpoint wren - that's not a cultural void. Britney is a cultural void.
tlm - true, although I am looking forward to the final tests on whether they are actually the same person on merely cloned (in which case: why, Korea, why?)
jamie - anyone who performs in a Carmen Elektra porn video is a celebrity tart.
mirri - I was hoping you'd get The Divine Miss P. And thanks, the leaf-blower images just won't leave me. I've tried everything, even vinegar.
MizB - I always thought there would be one extroverted, mischieveous one and one good, obedient one in a set of twins (like the Wakefields) - I never thought it was even physically, biochemichally possible for both to be satanic.
sar - exquisite, that's exactly the sort of thing that the Pocket Reference is all about: personal experiences. You'll have to re-send the photo, though, it was all damp and crumpled.
And oooh - Madonna The feminine form of Tom Cruise.
Desperate Housewife, Macrobiotic Wonderwoman, Insane Witch. Would become Amish if it made her seem edgier. Possesses a finer booty than many young strumpets half her age - leading her to wiggle it uncontrollably at passers-by. Probably eats kittens alive. Very talented at wearing jumpsuits.
Now here I do need help: Who in the name of Tabloid is Courtney Peldon?
I have been looking for sites like this for a long time. Thank you! » » »
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