Saturday, January 28, 2006

Sponge Girl's Mysterious Illness

Close friends of the amazingly sexy and phantasmagorically clever Sponge Girl are reported to be in turmoil as the starlet has unexpectedly been taken ill.

While no exact details are available, several theories of the beauty's condition are circulating.

In certain quarters it is supected that Sponge Girl has been involved in an unfortunate altercation with Tom Cruise, leading to her kidneys being stolen in a clandestine fashion.

"It is a trademark of the fundamentalist Scientologists: they have a profound belief in simply being really, really mean to anyone that irritates them. And of course, for several weeks now Sponge Girl has been said to be on the brink of incurring the cult's full wrath due to her public criticism of the nutjob Mr Cruise. Erase that last bit," commented an academic specialising in weird ideologies.

Another possibility, one that has been voiced by some in Sponge Girl's innermost circle, is that in her typical empathetic manner Sponge Girl has had a violent physical reaction to the misfortunes of Miz Bohemia, a close personal ally and all-round yummy mummy.

Natalie Portman, speaking on behalf of Sponge Girl's distraught posse, urged people to do their best to improve Miz Bohemia's condition: "While we can't be absolutely sure that that would be the sole cause of Sponge Girl's current state of health, it is a likely contributing factor. I mean, look at how badly she took the whole Kay-incident. Having said that, I don't think it would hurt to maybe, you know... fix... Mr Cruise. ".

6 Comments:

At 02:58, Blogger Miz BoheMia said...

Sponge Girl is a gem! A GEM I SAY!

Tom Cruise does not know what he has started if these rumours are indeed true! It is ON you Sciento-F-REAK! IT IS ON!!!

Spongey, your leather sista is back and the LADEEZ are on the case! We are there for you through thick and thin dear one! THROUGH THICK AND THIN! Hang in there! We are coming!!!

 
At 12:52, Blogger Doug The Una said...

I think Miz B is feeling beyyer and hope you are too. Very synpathetic and kinda cute.

 
At 14:36, Blogger Sponge Girl said...

O, my dearly beloved, where would I be without you?

MizB - I can smell the leather from here. You really are precious! In case you were wondering, mythology states that pure evil can only be expelled by a solid silver stake to the neck.

Sweet Ladeez, you know what to do.

Seemingly sweet - thank you for the advice. Do you think buying new underwear could also help? I hear it has potence-increasing powers.

Doug - Well, I do try... Oh, look: you've made me blush!

 
At 05:33, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Evil has dared to invade the Ladeez? Good god! I shall grab my gun and load it up with silver pellets. I shall protect you to the death. To the death! Ladeez stick together. I have dawned my leather short shorts, Yummy Mummy is armed with her whip *k-kish* and the hunt is on. Chief Naughty Sexpot shall not leave you defenseless. The Leather Sistahs have got it goin' on!

And one mustn't forget the holy water tequila, best utilized in margaritas. Fear not, fellow Ladee, we are here!

 
At 00:52, Blogger Mirri said...

Paranehan pian, syrrapyrra!

To the ones not in the know, the above is an ancient-ish incantation to rid one from Scientology demons. Say it with me, all together now,

Paranehan pian, syrrapyrra!

 
At 13:20, Blogger Sponge Girl said...

Oh Jenna, I know only you can harness the full power of the divine Hot Smokin' Piece Of Booty to spin me back into shape. Bring it on!

Mirri - mmm, ancient-ish incantations. I must get back to my meditations

ajetaan me tandemilla...
kolme kolme satayksi tampere kymmenen...
ja nelkku-kelkku!

 

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