Sponge Girl to Return to Studies!

Unlike Mary-Kate Olsen, Sponge Girl has announced that papers do indeed make her happy. According to reliable sources Sponge Girl has been offered a doctoral scholarship in a well-respected university and is said to be "thrilled".

"I have been looking forward to this for quite a long time and I think I'm in that phase of my life when I simply need to see how far I can stretch my analytical capabilitites, to see if I really can make a worthy contribution to academia. What can I say, I'm a bit of a perpetual student at heart and this news just tickles me pink".

Added Sponge Girl: "I can't believe I just used the phrase tickles me pink".

When asked if this meant Sponge Girl would be withdrawing from her stellar career of social commentary and writing, she replied "no, no - I'm a multi-tasker, honey. I'll be around".