Sponge Girl Changed My Life: Paris
First Tom Cruise admitted he may not have all the answers to the mysteries of the Universe, then Madonna denounced Kabbalah and apologised for being such a self-important pretentious git all these years. Now Paris Hilton has joined the ranks of previously annoying celebrities who have taken the first steps towards likeability - and all thanks to Sponge Girl.
A clearly embarrassed Ms Hilton commented "Before the development of our friendship I - can you believe it? - I had no idea what a complete skank I was". Shaking her head in despair, Hilton added "To think it took me over twenty years to discover subtitled films! And tops that cover my midriff!"
Ms Hilton also spoke about her shock decision to join forces with Victoria Beckham and Hilary Duff on a half-year expedition into the heart of Sumatran jungle where the group will aid in rehabilitating captive orang utans into the wild. "Well, we were having a chat over a couple of chai teas and it turned out we'd all been talking to Sponge Girl - and gotten the same advice: to just get over ourselves and do something useful for a change. And we though 'heck, we'll do it'".
Hilton admitted to having had very little information on the subject at the time of their decision, but is now "quite looking forward to not having toilet paper for a full six months!"
posted by Sponge Girl @ 10:37 pm
10 comments
10 Comments:
Quirky lady! I like that! I will be linking to you!
Thanks for stopping by my site.
I promise to never call you Spongey...
Well hello there. Feel free to call me "quirky lady" whenever you wish, Miz Bohemia. I know I definitely like that - I'm still undecided on Spongey.
Sponge Girl, that was truly amazing work on Hilton and Madonna and Cruise, but you really need to work harder on Rod Stewart.
I mean, there he goes, producing yet another kid—in a bathtub, no less—with another clueless super model, and he's not even divorced yet from the formerly clueless Rachel Hunter.
I'm glad you're using your powers for good, but you should focuse on those gits who keep reproducing.
(Heh! I learned what "git" means from reading Harry Potter.)
Thank you for your support, ballpoint wren.
I admit I could have done more to prevent this unfortunate breeding, however my self-protection instinct
had to overcome my desire to improve the world (sadly, even I am not without fault or failure).
The simple fact is that Mr Stewart can impregnate a woman from across a room.
While I would most certainly have wanted to help poor Miss Whatzername, in this case it was either her or me, baby.
I hope you understand.
The simple fact is that Mr Stewart can impregnate a woman from across a room.
Wah! That's scary!
Now just for the record people, Penny Lancaster, mother of latest Stewart spawn is neither super nor much of a model.
In other news please don't rectify the car crash lives of all the crazy celebrities or what will I blog about?
PS loving the blog
Retail Junkie! Love your work!
I have great faith in human folly. I'm sure Madonna will relapse, or maybe find a new crackpot religion. Then again, she's pretty much tried all of them - so she might need to found her own church, just to push the envelope of edgyness further into the void of Combining Streetcred with Homemaker, Disco Huntress with Creepy Hyperveganism.
Paris will return from Sumatra clutching a baby ape called Frou-Frou Angel Bean Raffington, Mrs. Becks will suddenly decide she ain't takin' no advice from anyone with a bigger bottom than her, and then there are the Rod Stewarts of the world who just can't be helped.
(Just so you know, his next child will be by Hilary Duff - you heard it here first!)
Time will pass, a day will come when I can corner the Olsen Twins at a gala event and convince them to give up the Breatherianism. We'll chat, laugh, shake our heads at fashion faux pas and the girls will suddenly decide to shimmy on down to Bangladesh to start a community reading program.
All will be fine for a while until Mary-Kate (who will by then be known as "Missy MK8 No-booty") is caught engaged in an all-out spankfest in a public toilet with Vin Diesel, and Ashley will become a lesbian, as all nouveau-grungy wenches are prone to do occasionally.
Think T-shirts that say "If you think I'm skanky you should see my FEMALE LOVER!!!" and a sudden appearance of all things rainbow.
So don't fret - even with our combined efforts the vicious cycle of "Oh My God That Chick Is So Totally More Shocking Than I Am!" will continue - keeping both of us un-gainfully employed in Blogostania.
AAGAHAHA!!!
Welcome, seemingly sweet (ain't we all!), and hope to see you around more.
Kay, dearest, very glad to have you return. You are articulate as always.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Post a Comment
<< Home