Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Sponge Girl: "In a fair fight, Latex will always beat Botox"

Packing away a well-worn party hat, philanthropist and special effects make-up artist Sponge Girl paused to contemplate the slowly winding down celebration following Finland's Eurovision victory on Saturday.

"It's been a wild ride, certainly... Not just because of Lordi, obviously, Silvia did her bit, too...", smiled Sponge Girl, referring to the highly-publicised confrontation between her and Iceland's answer to Ali G, who took out the frustration of her failed performance on the sweet starlet by sporadic attacks with a halibut, a move all remaining members of Monty Python's Flying Circus have condemned as "malicious fishmongering".

Despite being pursued by the attention-hungry Icelander, Sponge Girl did have the opportunity to party on down with monster rockers Lordi, who managed to single-handedly open up the possibility for something other than pointless ballads and white pants to feature in the monumental festival of kitsch: "The all-night Twister marathon was ace!".

Since first being spotted at the dress rehearsal, Sponge Girl has had to repeatedly deny being the unofficial make-up artist for Lordi, although it is no secret that her groundbreaking experimentation with latex and animal fur in her film student days (such as in the cult classic Flip The Pancake, Bitch) was an early influence of Mr Lordi.

Sponge Girl has not revealed her post-Eurovision plans, although there is some speculation that she will focus on trying to make sense of why, in the name of all things good and pure, women are so obsessed with Stavros Niarchos. Said the lovely little wench: "I just don't get it. Unicorn or no unicorn."


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But indeed twas a proud day to be Finnish, when the magnificient monstrosity that is Lordi bitchslapped all of 'em skanky stickfigures straight to Eurovisionary hell.

\,,/ Yarr baby, yarr.

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