Sponge Girl Not Such A Nice Person After All: Friend

It has come to our attention that Sponge Girl - lauded author, trendsetter, linguist and humanitarian - may not be, in the words of a close friend: "all that fantastic".

The friend, who did not want to be identified, has accused Sponge Girl of being "a snooty cow". In addition the friend, who had consulted a random and representative sample of unnamed objective persons, argued that most people believed Sponge Girl had only been successful "'cause she's got big breasts - I mean, c'mon?!".

The friend also expressed fury over Sponge Girl blatantly ignoring her at a recent birthday party: "she was just like 'yeah, we did Classical Languages together in first year, right?', and then a beeline to the bowl of Cheezels". Added the friend: "How rude can you get?"

Sponge Girl was not available for comment.