Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Sponge Girl: That's right, Heather, so long as you believe that

In a sad display of denial, Heather Mills McCartney believes Sir Paul changing the locks on her was just a silly misunderstanding, and nothing to do with the fact that the former Beatle hates her gold-digging guts.

"He used to do this all the time, it was like I'd never know whether I'd be able to get in to the house or not. Then I'd, you know, scale the fence - challenge and a half, I can tell you that! - throw a garden gnome through a window and ta-DA, home sweet home. Paul would always look so stunned, then do this really cute tired-of-life- sort of look, and joke about with comments like Seriously, why do you keep coming back? and Can't you see it's over, you stupid cow? It was hilarious, the longer we were together the more he'd do it," explained Ms Mills McCartney.

Her rebirthing therapist and yoga instructor, the de-lovely Sponge Girl, is not so sure the ex-Mrs McC has quite undestood what's going on. "It's a shame, Heather is usually such a level-headed girl. She's just not used to hearing 'no' from wealthy middle-aged men and is having some difficulty adjusting to this new situation," explained the sweet strumpet.

Ms Mills-McCartney laughed off the suggestion that the relationship is actually over: "Oh don't be silly, every couple has its own little quirks. Like Jude and Sienna and the whole shagging the staff-business. Whatever works, you know?"


At 01:33, Blogger Ballpoint Wren said...

When I heard about the theft of the cleaning liquids I knew it was really over!

At 00:32, Blogger Miz BoheMia said...

You know? As an ashtanga yoga instructor I would recommend the downward dog asana and then a good kick in the ass for Ms Heather! What do ya think? Hmmmm?

At 23:00, Blogger Mirri said...

Mitäs nainen? =)

Mullon opinnoinninvälttelyääääääh-olotila, ja sen kaverina sitte saamattomuus-olotila. You just can't win some days.

Huomenna mennään treffeille! Lystiä lystiä =)

Ja parin viikon päästä alkaa opinnoinnit taas ja kaikkea. Sillai.
Täältä tähän,
and after three hours the doctors finally got the whole thing out.

At 18:06, Blogger Kay Richardson said...

Bloody Heather. That's what I say.

At 11:09, Blogger Sponge Girl said...

Oh, Kay! So very, very long since you've visited. Welcome back.

Mirri - Yeouch. I had no idea you could even do that with an egg beater.

MizB - I prefer to just throw things from a distance, but whatever works.

Ah, Bonnie, the unwritten code of "if I take the Windex then maybe you'll think I had been doing housework all along, you heartless wanker". I knew you'd recognise it. ;-)

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